I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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