Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she told me i tasted like america
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
