Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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