its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
