dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
