I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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