I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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