okay pat passed out under dana's car
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
