I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
