well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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