I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
