You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
