my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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