So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
