i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry about my life...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
