Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
