I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
