It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
