toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
