are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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