i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
