Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need a beard to bite.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
