Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize