In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
