party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
