arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
