You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
