The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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