the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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