He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
