one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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