sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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