But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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