you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
