Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
