So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
