I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
