oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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