It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
