you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
