ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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