The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
