so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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