Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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