I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
