it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
