Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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