I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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