He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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