I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
