Me too!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
