There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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