You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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