so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
