If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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