I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
