You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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