how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
