I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
