She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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