Barsexuality is the new black.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
