idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
