She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
