Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
