my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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