Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
