I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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