Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
