I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
