found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
