Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
