Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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