I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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